Our dear friends and family,
everything has changed since we last communicated with you. We have had to have conversations with close family, and especially our children before posting our news here, but we've been thinking of everyone who reads this and holds us close, knowing that we needed to talk to you as well...
Last thursday, Nov !3th, Brian had another biopsy, to determine the condition of his bone marrow in preparation for his transplant. We found out on Friday that the information from the biopsy was not what the doctors had been hoping to see.
The chemotherapy that Brian had already been given was not successful in combating the leukemia. In fact, in the month between biopsies, the disease had grown more than 10X. That growth happened in a matter of weeks. There may be other factors which led to the decision of the medical team not to transplant--we will be able to ask questions like this tomorrow--but the fact remains; Brian's bone marrow is too sick to give treatment to. The team of doctors has told us that all they can do is to maintain Brian, for weeks or months, as long as his body can fight off a serious infection or avoid a major bleed.
I feel the sadness of everyone who is reading this. Its so difficult to write.
I want you all to know that we are well and happy within everything that is going on. The kids are on their way from Salt Spring today, and we can't wait to be all together. Our hearts feel so strong with loving and being loved. There will be many kinds of days in the weeks ahead but there is an abiding sense of healing in the face of dying and of the permanence of love in the face of loss. I am thinking of Pete Seeger singing " we shall overcome..." . Go, find it, listen, its a favorite of Brian's. And, oh ya, let's have a party. Ok, its Brian's call, but lets all start imagining celebrating him together.
Love,
Joanne
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Oh you guys. Joanne was writing this just as Gregory Spohr was phoning me to let me know about the blog. Haven't seen you in so long but think of you very often. I am trying to think of a good joke to post for Brian. Can't think of one, but have a great image in my mind of Brian laughing at it anyway. Much love and hugs, Lisa.
Yes!
Let's celebrate - we are all so fortunate to have Brian - he is all of ours to hold and keep in our own special way.
As a wee tad, Brian was so sparkly - his great grandpa Bowness said "look at those eyes, he's going to really be somebody!"
And he sure was right on!
This isn't the time or place to go on and on - which I could do as I keep remembering more and more about baby days right up to now. Being Brian's Mom is one of the greatest honours I have ever had.
To all who have written and do write on this blog, I say welcome to the circle of family and friends and thank you for all your thoughts and kindness ...........
and now I'll say Peace be with you all and may fond memories never cease.
I love you Bri.......and Joanne and Hannah, Coleman, Louis & Sef.
Mom
okay it has taken me almost 4 hours to come back to this spot and re-read what has been said. something pulled me to your blog today as i was checking on soccer stuff. i don't know what to say other then thank you to Brian and Joanne for sharing with us, showing us how beautiful the love of a family can be. May peace be with you all-Love from the shaver family
Brian
I imagine snowy footprints stretching out ahead of me and a longing to step comfortably into them with the ease that they were originally set there. They are your footprints and me as a child always admiring you and wishing I could......... hoping I would be just like you ...or an 'as cool as' version of myself. You are always that in my mind and in my heart. Beautiful, amazing , cool...........qnd still ...when I grow up I'd like to be just like you.
I love you. Terri-lou
Jo ........what to say...........
My heart feels so strongly bound to yours as you walk through these days and wade into deep water. I wade in with you in my spirit as I consider your moments and I pray for you as I imagine each beautiful tenderness savored.
I love you
terri-lou
Oh - what to say? I just wish I was there to give and have a big hug. I spoke with Marsha tonight and she tells me you've found a sweet refuge, with beautiful light where you can all be as a family. And she tells of the coffee man continuing to bust his heart out for everyone who visits Brian. I'm thinking of a sweet, painfree place where we can all be young and play like we didn't have a care in the world. Take good care of each other. And we'll meet up in our dreams. xx I love you. Sue
Dear ones, I am here for you... This is a mantra we seem to share on this blog, and with you, Brian, Joanne, and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you Brian and Joanne for being angels, infused with love and light, being the wave and being the water. Thank you for sharing Thich Nhat Hahn's True Love book.
I'll celebrate with you, again and again... Right now I'll celebrate you with wine and chocolate, and hold a vision of Brian's gorgeous smile, joyful eyes and open heart, and the image of saying I love you and you and you..., out into the rainy night on 12th Ave.
Here's to you!
Love Ruth
I cant add much to what others have said, I just have such loving and kind memories. Brian making green pancakes, brian making garlic bread and cleaning my windows (they have never been so clean), laughing until we cried at some silly thing you boys did, when you were a little boy they called you "Bicky", all wonderful memories and I cherish evryone. I love you so much and admire you Joanne like no other to be beside your family and giving all that you can give. I love you guys, aunt Norma
Brian, Joanne and family - the strength of your words in the face of change shows the love, strength and conviction you as a family have and it is to be admired. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Not a day goes by without praying and thinking of Brian and all of you. I will always remember and keep dear to my heart the memories of childhood days. Brian, your amazing and unique sense of humour and your ability to see the extrodinary in the ordinary, I forever cherish. I laugh regularly at days you stayed with our family and remember fondly my shoes duct taped together in a huge ball just awaiting my delay out the door. Please know our hearts our with you and yours.
Steve, Deb and Graeme Godfrey
Dear friends I have just gotten connected with your blog through Ruth. Have been holding you in the light. Today I scrubbed a whole room on my knees while sending cleaning, clearing energy.
I have also been remembering your wedding. It was such a joyous gathering which truly began only when all had come together - a celebration like a constellation in the sunshine on the yard. I am glad to know you have made a way for many loving friends to gather around you in this trying moment of living. So glad your family will be together today - love keeps bringing wholeness- re-constellating and yes, celebrating.
This am. Dan and I used a piece from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, The Faithful Gardener in our meditation. After an old Uncle and (Clarissa)his young neice burnt a field so that it might be ready to receive new seed and she sees the forest grow out from that fallow laid open and inviting field, she writes of her Uncle: "Over the years, along with all the actual fields he helped to sow, fallow fields were resown inside him. His life force gathered momentum and broke through the ground again. He grew up through the ashes, through the empty field of himself. I witnessed in him a small parcel of Eden restored. I know it is so. I saw it with my own eyes. ( )
What is that which can never die? It is that faithful force that is born into us, that one that is greater than us, that calls new seed to the open and battered and barren places, so that we can be resown. It is this force, in its insistence, in its loyalty to us, in its love of us, in its most often mysterious ways, that is far greater, far more majestic, and far more ancient than any heretofore ever known.
Thinking of you and your dear ones -love Shelley
I bet you're really looking forwards to all of your family being together. I remember all of us being together in Rainbow, gathering for an Easter or Christmas feast. All the excitement and fun we used to have. Wish we could revisit just one of those afternoons. I'm so lucky to have the memories.
You are all so strong it makes me feel comfortable.
I will celebrate you - Brian - and your family. You are a wonderful example of the way things should be for everyone.
Peace and Love
Barb
Dearest Brian and Joanne:
Our hearts are with you always. How fortunate we were to move to Salt Spring and have your family in our lives. All the blessings that the association brought. We love you and hold you close.
What a gift it was to spend time with Joanne last weekend, and to see your beautiful children. To hear them laughing and chatting (and wrestling) in the next room. It was a good tonic.
You are all loved and held by so many. We are thinking of you as we go through our days. We celebrate you. With infinite love, Barbara
Over and over again, your immense courage, open hearts and willingness to be with what is, is just amazing. The grace and strength of how you have walked this path. With all of it's myriad of emotional roller coasters of hope and fear, love and disappointment, betrayal and wisdom. Wow.
You are both more than an inspiration. What a fine example of humanity and love you are.
You are all so blessed to have each other, and will hold one another in infinite love.
How blessed we all are to be a part of this circle, to witness this incredible outpouring and radiance.
You are SO well loved, (it does not need to be said), but my prayer is that it holds you, surrounds you, and caresses you with all of the beautiful golden light and radiance that you are, as you journey to remembering your truth in completion.
We are not alone. We are not separate.
Love cannot be erased,
Love is all that remains of us.
In gratitude,
Laura
Brian; Memories, laughing, happy, joyous memories, gifts shared with you.The paths we walk, some alone more with friends and loved ones, sharing always. Thank you for being a part of my life, for sharing your journey with such humour and love. All I can say is that I cherish so many memories, two raw eggs in orange juice swiftly poured down your throat in the morning before heading out the door to college; that grin, those eyes, that wacky sense of humour, music, carvings, getting lost on the mountain after dark, I love
you so much and admire you more, for your courage and generosity. The bright flame of your candle will never be blown out, it may flicker but I will know you are laughing close by. Rest easy Bri, luv ya, Aunt Bea
Joanne and Brian...I realise everyone is here for you and that you are preparing for moving on. I don't know how else to contact you and Laura and Kaia asked me to act on my gut to get in touch to offer some EPFX work...it may be able to help either way. Have a look at my website if you want www.quantumnorth.com or let me know if you feel that what I do is something worth trying. I would be so happy to do this for you all. My home number is 931-2269
Namaste, Rasma
Oh Brian...
I admire your spirit so much ... and Joanne and the kids - and the love and wisdom that I feel.
But I'm also sad.
Love to you all.
Joanne, Brian and family...
Nothing changes with holding you in light and love... nothing changes. The winds blow from other directions...
My love and light go with you on this leg of the journey.
Esta
Thinking of you all always. I'm so glad you can all be together, since more and more I'm realizing the importance of togetherness.
I'll never forget my first New Years on Saltspring. I think it was yours too. And we all stood out in your yard by the bonfire under the stars, and Sef brought out a seemingly neverending supply of little carved-by-Brian animals for us to marvel at. As always, much love,
Keziah
Brian and Joanne...
Throughout these past few months, you have been such incredible teachers for us all. Your grace and strength and courage and ever-flowing love for your family and each other is so very inspiring...
I know where you are right now...
Never forget that love can create miracles...
love
kaia
This morning I walked my dog at 5:30. There was 6 inches of new snow and though it wasn't snowing the want to start again was heavy in the air.It was very dark and I longed to be away from the streetlights and into the thick darkness and the thick of the snow in the park. The trees were bare and cast beautiful striking lines through the bits of lights from far off houses and we were making the first tracks across the fields. I thought of you and those footprints I spoke of a couple of days ago. In a couple of minutes from somewhere across the middle of the field there WERE tracks ahead of me...and the someone that put them there had also taken a moment along the way to make a snow angel. Hmm I thought...and decided I would too. The first one felt so good that I did it 5 more times ...one for each of you. Tilley was a little perplexed but she even let me have a moment to say a prayer for each of you too before she gave me her slobberies and snorts to nudge me along my way.
You are beautiful and amazing ............
Every day and every way you enter my heart my thoughts my prayers......
love
terri
Brian, I'm sitting on my porch and I have such a huge and overwhelming love and I wanna hug you and laugh and cry. I can't even believe the circle of people in your life. Your family and friends just so beautiful and loving and real. Thanks for sharing so profoundly. I truly and hugely feel blessed. Wear your mittens cowboy. xx See you for a visit soon. Big love. Sue
Hi all of you...
Brian Joanne Hannah Coleman Louis and Sef. As landscapes change on this road that turns a thousand corners, know we are with you. I am imagining you in this big fat stationwagon with 6 headlights, one beam for each of you, lighting the road ahead, as you journey on.
Sending love every day. We love you so much.
Stacey Eli + Paddy
Hey all you Everest Love Team.
Lynn on the home front here speaking my mind as usual ( loved and tolerated for this ) I JUST HAVE TO SAY,,, When Brian and Joanne and the kids have had the time they need together on SSI I am sure Brian will call who he needs to call, The kids have seen Brian just a few hours in TOTAL!!! in the past 3 months. Please know that the mild loving people that they are would make it difficult for them to say no to anyone but PLEASE wait for an invite I live across the street and I will wait to be asked to visit This much I know from being with the kids since the end of August...this is precious time for them now. This is my own opinion.
Something else i know for sure is that this community of Brian's friends and family have come through in all ways possible and I have heard what this has done for his heart.
Hi Brian, Joanne and children;
I've just been looking at a picture of you Bri...back in the carefree childhood days in Rainbow. The picture makes me smile as I realize how lucky I am to have someone like you be part of my life before and now - no matter the circumstances. Thank-you for sharing your journey with me and opening my eyes to the world you have. All the love, kindness,friends and family. You are special and you have made me feel special. I wish I could hug you. I love you Bri.
Barb
Oh Brian, Joanne, Hanna, Coleman, Louis and Sef; How very lucky to have you in my life, I celebrate each and every memory of you. Thank you so very much for sharing your journey, your lovely family and unique humour. So generous. You are all in my heart, peace dear ones, luv Aunt Bea
Jasper.I think of you guys at school almost ever day because Louis Coleman and Hannay use to go to Wildflower as you know.And sef because he visited wildflower. I hope I could see you guys soon,or you guys could come to Nelson some time.I hope you guys fight the unhappyness.
Jokes for Bri:
Where do fish keep their money?
answer:In the River Bank
Where do knights live?
answer:Castlegar
Jasper sassaman.
Brian, Joanne, Hanna, Coleman,Louis and Sef, May peace be with you in this trying time of your lives. Yes, you need to be together. Just know that I am thinking of all of you and although I havent been a big part of your lives I wish you peace, and know that I love all of you.
Aunt Norma
I want to be added to your patchwork quilt of support-our patch will have cups of good coffe,sunsets,good books,little wooden bunnies,and lots of music notes floating all around it,with scents of lavendar and wishes for peace and ease during this very real and life-changing time.
Tonight Nelson's streets are being whipped around by winds with frost and snow on it's lips and a tale is unfolding for those whos hearts are open towards you all(countless)-a tale of a man and woman in love and acting like teenagers though it's stormy and they are not teens,of a man who is helping his friends through this hard time yet he is the one in the patients bed,of a woman so brave and sincere and beautiful and loved,of 4 young people who are very cool and very missed,of a community of friends and family being brought together,invited to share this families heart-felt,raw and totally humbling journey.
Breath deep and thankyou for sharing-.
Gratefully,Meghan
Hi it's Cohan,
My mom has shared with me all these blogs and I have read them with a heavy heart and I feel sorry for you.
I hope the best for all of you and we are thinking of you every day.
Love,
Cohan
Hi Joanne and Brian,
I just learned yesterday, through our Winnipeg friends, about your whole journey. Talked to Lynn today and she told me some of your story. If I'd known you guys were in Vancouver I would have come and said hello! Now, my heart says hello and my heart will follow you all in the days to come. Joanne, I love you dearly and I can just picture your face and feel your strength. Brian, you and I met only a couple of times- I remember one time in particular on the corner of Corydon and Lilac Street in Winnipeg- and I am so glad that you were the one to steal Joanne's heart and you and she were the ones who chose to make all of those beautiful children of yours together. I was on Salt Spring a couple of years ago and I had a chance to briefly meet your children again. You will live on in them, of that I am sure.
My heart and my prayers are with you all.
Sending you much love and peace,
Lorraine
Hi Joanne and Brian from Barb and Steem in Kelowna. So sorry about recent events. Best wishes through this tough time. You both sound strong. Brian, we haven't met but I've heard (and now read) great things about you. Joanne, the last time I think was the Wpg. folk festival when Hanna was a toddler. You're still a great writer! Barb's teaching kindergarten, I'm a news hound at the daily paper and our kids are 14 (Zoe) and 9 (Simon). We'll visit you at Salt Spring some day. A good friend just moved there -- Don Keith at Stage Coach. Stay strong you guys and make the best of each day. You're obviously surrounded by amazing people. We're thinking of you here. Love Barb and Steem
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